Coming Clean

2 Mar

Hey there! TGIF right?!

This week has been a little bit hectic to say the least. The reason I haven’t posted much this week is because I’m feeling pretty emotionally drained. I apologize in advance if this post seems kind of negative and down, but that’s because, well,  that’s how I’m feeling. After the last few days I finally feel like I can share my feelings.

On Wednesday I went to my doctor. Condensing a really long story to get to the punchline; basically, there are some things they found when they did an echo cardiogram on my heart. My doctor doesn’t think they’re super duper serious, but she wants me to see a cardiologist. When I my doctor started talking about this, for the first time ever I actually started crying in the office. It was all just very overwhelming. and then I asked her what I was dreading to know the answer to “Can I run?” She advised not pushing my heart too much – meaning with hot yoga, zumba or running. But she assured me that she would refer me to a cardiologist as soon as possible, but until then I needed to take it easy.

After being so emotionally drained on Wednesday, I decided to take yesterday off of work. I got a call from cardiologists office in the late morning, with an appointment… on March 12th. When I heard how “far away” it was I was really upset. I couldn’t not do my hard-core running and exercise for 10 days! and even after that I may not be able to, depending on what the cardiologist says. I know, I know. I was probably being a tad dramatic with my emotions – a week and a half to see a specialist is really not that bad.

But I saw it as a week and a half of sitting on the couch, of not knowing what was wrong, of waiting.

I gave the hubby a call around lunch and he knocked some sense into me. Thank goodness.

I realized that going for a run is not worth doing permanent damage to my heart – duh. I also realized that my IDENTITY is my exercise and sweating. It’s how I measure myself. How I have pride and confidence in myself.

I’m going to come clean about something else. Since August, the hubby and I have been building our first house. I haven’t talked about it because, well, it’s a lot of pressure and a lot of stress. And frankly until I have the keys in my hand I’m not sure I’ll feel completely secure. But at this point we have a closing date (2 weeks from today).

But it also means that the past few months have been stressful and the next 2-3 weeks will be very stressful. And without being able to exercise as normal I got worried about keeping my sanity.

I have calmed down now though. I realized I can still do yoga (though not hot power yoga, which raises my heart rate like crazy). Zumba classes take a 1 week break next week, which is “perfect” timing. And I can still run… or at least run/walk very slowly (though probably not the 6 miles I had planned for this weekend). And I can definitely go for walks and hikes (the hubby and I went for one last night instead of me going for my planned 4 mile run).

To be honest though I haven’t looked at my half training plan this week. Because I don’t want to. I hope I can still be prepared to run a good race at Pittsburgh on May 6th. But if I can’t make it a “great” race, I hope to still be there – even if I have to run/walk the whole thing.

But I’m hopeful I’ll go to the doctor on March 12th and he’ll say I can continue running like I have been. My dad has a similar condition (apparently it can be genetic) and he ran his first marathon this year with the huge encouragement of his cardiologist, who is the same doctor I will be seeing.

Sorry if this felt negative and sad, I just had to get it out. It was time to come clean I guess.

I hope to be back to a somewhat cheered up state next time I post. 🙂

Have a good weekend!

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6 Responses to “Coming Clean”

  1. Kathy March 2, 2012 at 12:59 pm #

    That sucks! I hope everything is ok. I think it’s totally understandable that you would feel discouraged but I’m glad that you’re taking it in stride and looking at the big picture.

    • Becca March 5, 2012 at 12:43 pm #

      Thanks, I’m trying to stay positive. Trying. 🙂

  2. mizunogirl March 2, 2012 at 10:46 pm #

    Hang in there!!! You can get through this!!! It is hard when you don’t have your normal outlets, and add on some worry about your heart. Lets hope you get good news!

    • Becca March 5, 2012 at 12:43 pm #

      Thanks! I’m definitely crossing my fingers.

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