So… I had a breakdown

11 Jul

Hey there. I know I’ve been a little quiet this week. Things have been pretty crazy at work (what else is new?) and I’ve been trying to get my act together for a Bachelorette Party I am attending this weekend. I had to run out and buy a gift, dress ($17 – YES!) and of course shoes. I’ve also been speeding up my workouts this week so that I don’t have to worry about them over the weekend when it is PARTY TIME!

Anyhow, on a more serious note, I had a little bit of a break down on Tuesday night.

First some background. When I graduated from college I was 40-50 lbs overweight. I didn’t exercise much during those four years (“I didn’t have time”), and I ate like crap. So by the time I graduated I was much larger than I wanted to be. I moved out on my own to the Philly suburbs where I had found a job and for the first 6 months or so I still didn’t exercise, or really eat right. I guess I was trying to find my groove and enjoying making my own decisions with my food.

In December 2007, I’m not sure what motivated me, but I decided to start going on the elliptical at my apartment complex’s gym. The first few days of “working out” exhausted me. I remember going to bed at like 8pm those evenings and sleeping so deeply! A few years later, I took up running. Needless to say, until about a two years ago the weight was just falling off. Mainly because I was exercising and then running which upped the intensity.

For the past two years my weight has been consistent. I maybe fluctuate a few lbs here and there but I usually stay within 1-3 lbs. The problem is, this place where I have plateaued is about 10-15 lbs heavier than I “should” be, and also 10-15 lbs where I want to be.

I’ve put in a little bit of effort trying to make a change by tracking my calories on and off for a few years now. I have noticed that I am pretty regularly able to stay below my calorie limit on a daily basis. But still my weight has stayed the same.

I have even re-calculated my caloric needs multiple times using multiple equations, etc. And still, no change. And then every so often because of the lack of loss of weight I give up on tracking (because, lets be honest, it’s a PITA, especially when you aren’t seeing results).

I exercise a lot. Someways I even exercise twice. I incorporate intervals into my running. I’ve tried strength training. Switching up cardio and doing things like Zumba and Spinning. Doing yoga.

The fact is, nothing that I am doing is making a difference in the number on the scale. I know, I know, the number doesn’t matter. I understand that. But I’m tired of my arms feeling flabby and my stomach not being flat enough.

So on Tuesday I sort of broke down because I was so frustrated. I cried. Asked my husband to tell me what to do. Looked up Weight Watchers plans. And then I asked my husband to take a look at my MyFitnessPal app.

He noticed something that I never noticed. Or maybe never wanted to notice.

The quality of my food sucked.

Yes, I have a green smoothie almost every morning for breakfast, but sometimes I have a greek yogurt, that though well-intentioned, is super high in sugar. For lunch I was taking mason jar salads for a while, but around 2:30 I’d hit up the candy bowl at our Secretary’s desk. Our dinners tend to be based around veggies, quinoa or 100% whole grain pasta. But then I feel like I’m “allowed” to snack on ice cream around 8pm.

You see where I’m going here? I have been ingesting far too much sugar (and white flour, let’s be honest) and not enough protein or healthy fats.

So I guess it makes sense that despite being under my caloric goals, my body still feels like it’s not where it should be. And the number on the scale agrees.

My husband made me promise me to stay under my daily sugar max (32g) for the next 4 weeks, and I’m working to make my calories from carb/fat/protein be a more consistent 40/30/30.

I hope this hard work will pay off. I’m only a day in, and damn do I crave the sugar. And sure, I will still indulge. But maybe once a week, if I have the room in my sugar “budget”. Not once a day. I am checking the sugar content of everything (including the greek yogurt – yikes) and watching it closely.

We will see how this goes.


6 Responses to “So… I had a breakdown”

  1. Kelly July 11, 2013 at 5:41 pm #

    I had a similar epiphany in December. In Jan. of last year, I realized that my eating habits and (lack of) exercise habits were out of control, because I had gained more than 30 pounds over the course of three years due to a lot of different things. I started running and working out like a fiend, and tracked my calories. I lost very little weight killing myself with all the exercise. I was so frustrated, but I wasn’t eating right at all. I got on track with eating (well, for the most part. But I have improved A LOT)…and since Dec. have lost a little over 20 pounds. I’m feeling great and proud of my accomplishments with eating AND running. In fact, if I don’t end up losing the other 10 pounds that I gained, I think that I am ok with that, because of how I feel and what I have accomplished. I was never able to run a half marathon at my thinnest, but now I can. Not only that, I have ran 4, and am in training for a marathon in the fall.

    Remember your accomplishments. You finished the Goofy Challenge! How many people can say that? I get where you are coming from with the number on the scale, because I was there too. It always helps me to remember what my I HAVE accomplished when I am feeling like breaking down. Good luck! You can do it. 🙂

    • Becca July 16, 2013 at 1:24 pm #

      That is awesome to hear that you had so much success!! congrats!!! And you are right, sometimes you have to remember what you have accomplished, thanks for the reminder!!

  2. mizunogirl July 11, 2013 at 6:12 pm #

    Good Luck with cutting out the sugar! I really struggle- as you probably know if you ever read my blog especially the older entries- with food. I’ve been 20 pounds under weight and 40 pounds over. This year, working with the coach is the first year I’ve managed to ALMOST outrun a bad diet. But towards the end of that, I became very aggravated that I was essentially living in the gym. Now, I love my coach and he is often there, so that made it easier, but it was still kind of life limiting. I’ve come to the conclusion that if I lost the extra weight, I’d be running LOADS faster than I am right now, so I am working on it, but…it’s a heck of a lot harder than the exercise which is like play time to me. 😦 You’ve got this girl!

    • Becca July 16, 2013 at 1:23 pm #

      I totally agree. it is so much harder to eat well than exercise for me too! Good luck to you too!

  3. specialkkluthe July 16, 2013 at 1:43 pm #

    I go through seasons of eating too much sugar too and it’s always hard those first few weeks but eventually, I stop craving the sugar so much. Hope this gives you the results you’re looking for!

    • Becca July 29, 2013 at 9:45 am #

      Thanks, me too!

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